As we are quickly approaching Easter, I hope everyone is focused on the true meaning behind the holiday. We serve a risen Savior and what a savior He is!
Atoning sacrifice
Keeper of this life...
Beginning and the end
Forgiver of my sin!
By your mercy, You have saved us.
You are the shepherd king. You lead us by still waters.
You are my only hope. Your kindness is my friend.
In your presence You restore us!
You are the way, the truth, and the life. You are my joy and my salvation.
Stood in my place, taking my shame upon Your shoulders. Hallelujah! You are Savior.
Wow....these words are so beautiful and so true. Thank you Jesus, for taking my sin upon that cross and dying for me! What a Savior.
Laura Story tells us all about it in this song:
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
First Tee Ball Game!
Andrew is playing tee ball this year for the first time and tonight was his first "real" game. (We had a practice game last week.) Most of the kids on Andrew's team have played before. There are only 2 other boys that are playing for the first time. Andrew plays centerfield mostly, but in the last inning of tonights game, he got a little practice in at catcher.
This league is "FOR REAL." We hadtryouts grading. Then the coaches selected their teams. They do keep score and we play 4 innings. They count "outs" and/or stop after 10 batters. Andrew's team is the Rams. They're actually pretty good for 5-6 year olds! We have a really good pitcher/first baseman combo, which is ESSENTIAL at this level.
Andrew is a really good hitter. Tonight he had several RBIs and 3 out of the 4 times at bat, he eventually scored.
But this last time around the bases, the batter barely hit it fair, so Andrew didn't stand a chance. The pitcher ran him down. No matter...the Rams won 27-15! Go Rams! Our next game is Friday!
This league is "FOR REAL." We had
Andrew is a really good hitter. Tonight he had several RBIs and 3 out of the 4 times at bat, he eventually scored.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Chocolate Party
I hosted a Dove Chocolate Discoveries party at my house! Yes, there is such a thing and it's AWESOME! Just think of a Pampered Chef or Tupperware party. It's the same format, but with CHOCOLATE!
I was too busy tasting to get a lot of photos, but at one point I remembered to grab the camera.
Cathy making a brownie mousse dessert.
Kellye enjoying a virgin white chocolate raspberry daiquiri.
Connie, Elizabeth, and Kristen browsing the catalog.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
WW: The Hurt & The Healer
I know there have been a lot of posts about the loss of my Grandaddy and the pain that we're feeling lately, which is why Mercy Me's "The Hurt & The Healer" makes perfect sense for this week's Worship Wednesday.
Hurt comes in so many different forms besides the loss of a loved one: divorce, betrayal, feeling of failure, loss of a friendship. Whatever is hurting you today, give it to Jehovah Rapha, our God who heals! He can take the pain away and heal your brokenness. Hebrews 4:15-16 tells us to cast our cares on the Lord, for He cares for you. Psalm 55:22 says, "Cast your cares upon the Lord and HE will sustain you." Psalm 30:2- "Oh Lord, my God I cried out to you and you healed me!"
As you listen to this song today, I pray that you will allow God to heal all your hurts.
Hurt comes in so many different forms besides the loss of a loved one: divorce, betrayal, feeling of failure, loss of a friendship. Whatever is hurting you today, give it to Jehovah Rapha, our God who heals! He can take the pain away and heal your brokenness. Hebrews 4:15-16 tells us to cast our cares on the Lord, for He cares for you. Psalm 55:22 says, "Cast your cares upon the Lord and HE will sustain you." Psalm 30:2- "Oh Lord, my God I cried out to you and you healed me!"
As you listen to this song today, I pray that you will allow God to heal all your hurts.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Remembering a Hero
My Grandaddy was born on August 17, 1925. He grew up on an 80 acre farm. He dropped out of school in 6th grade to plow the fields. When he was 17, he lied about his age and joined the army. When he was 19, he was sent to Belgium with the 131st battalion, 75th regiment, company B to fight in the most important battle of WWII, The Battle of The Bulge. On January 15, 1945, my Grandaddy was shot off of the back of a tank. He had to quickly roll out of the way of the next tank. He was shot in the face. The bullet went under his eye, barely missing his brain. This wound would cost him his right eye and earn him a purple heart, but he survived. Sixty-five men from his company were not so lucky that day. I'm grateful that he survived. (Obviously, I wouldn't be here if he hadn't.) He was a hero. You're speaking English today, so you know how the war ended. My Grandaddy served his country well and I"m so proud of him, but there was so much more to my grandaddy than that.
Most people don't have the opportunity to have a relationship with their grandparents like we had. Some kids hardly ever see their grandparents, or maybe their grandparents died while they were young or even before they were born. My sister and I were/are extremely blessed. We had all 4 of our grandparents until February of last year, when we lost Poppa. We were extremely close to all 4 of them, but especially to my Mother's parents.
My Grandparents came to every school function, dance recital, piano recital, and summer vacation that we ever had. They picked us up from school nearly every day and we spent every Friday night and every New Year's Eve with Granny and Grandaddy. Those were some of the most precious memories from my childhood. Our Friday nights included watching TGIF on ABC, drinking milkshakes that Grandaddy would make with Breyer's Natural Vanilla ice cream and whole milk, putting on facial peeling masks from Granny's Avon bag, watching M.A.S.H., jumping on Granny's bed while dancing to Rockin' Robin blaring on the record player, and finally falling asleep in Granny's big 'ole king sized bed. (hopefully before she and Grandaddy started their snoring contests.) I used to make Granny "tickle my back" until I fell asleep, just so I could fall asleep first and not be kept awake by the wall shaking snoring!
Grandaddy taught me a lot of things; like how to fish. I can remember sitting in his lap in a lawn chair on the pier watching him cast his line out into the water. To me, success was not getting my line tangled in the pine tree over head! He taught me how to bait a hook (with a real live worm) and how to skin a catfish.
He taught me how to cook, or at least I 'thought' I was cooking. Grandaddy was the cook in the family, preparing elaborate meals as well as desserts everyday; especially on Sundays. But he'd let me stand in the chair by the stove and make "concoctions" as I called them. He'd never correct me. He'd just let me experiment, throwing whatever I wanted int the pan. Then I'd make Annah try them all!
Grandaddy was most famous for 1) his HUGE Sunday lunches and more importantly, 2) his cookies! He was known around town as "the cookie man." There wasn't an AHS function or Mount Calvary supper where Grandaddy cookies (or his famous pound cake) weren't present. I remember on my 16th birthday party, he made 35 dozen cookies, in 4 different varieties...and we ate EVERY SINGLE ONE of them!
Yes, my Grandaddy loved his grandkids. He loved us so much that his love spilled over to our friends. It wasn't unusual to find 5 or 6 extra kids at Grandaddy's house after church. Everyone wanted to come to Grandaddy's. Even after I went to Auburn, my friends would come home with me for the weekend and get to experience a Grandaddy lunch. It wasn't unusual for our friends to show up at Grandaddy's house even if we weren't there! They loved him just as much as he loved them.
My Grandaddy had a servant's heart. I'm pretty sure "acts of service" was his love language. (Andrew is a lot like him in that way.) He was the most thoughtful, selfless man that ever lived aside form Jesus himself. Seriously, if he had something that someone else needed, consider it theirs or if he thought he could do ANYTHING to help someone else, you better believe he'd do it, no matter what.
He spoiled my Grandmother rotten for 62 years! He did all the cooking and cleaning. He'd peel Granny's apples and oranges for her. He even clipped her toe nails! He made all the other men look bad when it came to serving their wives. No one has ever loved a wife more! (Please remember her as you pray. She's lost without her love.)
Grandaddy could fix anything, even if it was with duct tape or super glue. Andrew called him "Mr. Fix it." He could rig things up like no one else! It makes me laugh to think about some of his "fixes." And he never wanted to see anything go to waste. A true child of the depression, if he saw something on the side of the road that he thought he could use, he'd pick it up. He saved some old faux wood blinds that he found in a junk pile and he used those things for everything! He'd cut them to size and use them for a shim, or splint. I found a bunch of those scraps while cleaning out a stein at his house the other day. I just shook my head and smiled. :)
He would do anything for me and Annah and let us do anything...even if it meant total destruction at his house. For example, and in my defense I had NO recollection of this whatsoever and so I didn't know this until a couple of years ago, my Grandmother told me that I was the one who broke her marble coffee table in two! It seems that I liked to slide the marble top off of the frame and use it as a slide?! Terrible, I know!
They also let us destroy their yard every New Year's Eve. Grandaddy would save newspapers for weeks and cut them by hand into homemade confetti. Granny would serve us Gingerale in plastic champagne glasses and we'd toast to the New Year as we watched the apple drop. Then we'd head out into the yard to blow our party horns and throw Grandaddy's confetti. Those were fun times.
Thinking back on all the shenanigans we got away with, it's no wonder that most of my spankings occurred after a trip to Granny and Grandaddy's! And now, seeing how they spoil Andrew, I know how my parents felt! But that's what Grandparents are for, right?
Right! And I realize how blessed my sister and I were to have the kind of relationship with my Grandparents that we did and still do. I know a lot of people who either never knew their grandparents or don't spend any time with them. To me that is so unfortunate because Grandparents are special. I saw a quote on a friends facebook page the other day that said, "Grandma's are Mommies with icing." I think that phrase works for Grandaddies too, especially since mine liked to bake! And there was no better Grandaddy around than mine. He was my hero and I will miss him every day of the rest of my life!
If you're a Grandparent, I hope you're spending time spoiling your Grandkids. And if you're reading this and you still have Grandparents that are living, go right now (or as soon as you can) and hug them, spend time with them, and tell them that you love them, because one day you'll turn around and they'll be gone. I had no regrets when Grandaddy died. I got to spend a lot of time with him, especially at the end, which was precious and I'm eternally grateful that I got to be there. You see, in my family we say "I love you" every time we leave one another because life is short and anyone of those goodbyes could be our last.
**Please go visit my SISTER'S BLOG and read what all she had to say about Grandaddy. She's the writer in the family, so it'll be a lot more eloquently put! :) A lot of the stories and memories will be the same so you might read a little duplication, but that's ok. It'll help you get to know my Grandaddy even better!
Most people don't have the opportunity to have a relationship with their grandparents like we had. Some kids hardly ever see their grandparents, or maybe their grandparents died while they were young or even before they were born. My sister and I were/are extremely blessed. We had all 4 of our grandparents until February of last year, when we lost Poppa. We were extremely close to all 4 of them, but especially to my Mother's parents.
My Grandparents came to every school function, dance recital, piano recital, and summer vacation that we ever had. They picked us up from school nearly every day and we spent every Friday night and every New Year's Eve with Granny and Grandaddy. Those were some of the most precious memories from my childhood. Our Friday nights included watching TGIF on ABC, drinking milkshakes that Grandaddy would make with Breyer's Natural Vanilla ice cream and whole milk, putting on facial peeling masks from Granny's Avon bag, watching M.A.S.H., jumping on Granny's bed while dancing to Rockin' Robin blaring on the record player, and finally falling asleep in Granny's big 'ole king sized bed. (hopefully before she and Grandaddy started their snoring contests.) I used to make Granny "tickle my back" until I fell asleep, just so I could fall asleep first and not be kept awake by the wall shaking snoring!
Grandaddy taught me a lot of things; like how to fish. I can remember sitting in his lap in a lawn chair on the pier watching him cast his line out into the water. To me, success was not getting my line tangled in the pine tree over head! He taught me how to bait a hook (with a real live worm) and how to skin a catfish.
He taught me how to cook, or at least I 'thought' I was cooking. Grandaddy was the cook in the family, preparing elaborate meals as well as desserts everyday; especially on Sundays. But he'd let me stand in the chair by the stove and make "concoctions" as I called them. He'd never correct me. He'd just let me experiment, throwing whatever I wanted int the pan. Then I'd make Annah try them all!
Grandaddy was most famous for 1) his HUGE Sunday lunches and more importantly, 2) his cookies! He was known around town as "the cookie man." There wasn't an AHS function or Mount Calvary supper where Grandaddy cookies (or his famous pound cake) weren't present. I remember on my 16th birthday party, he made 35 dozen cookies, in 4 different varieties...and we ate EVERY SINGLE ONE of them!
Yes, my Grandaddy loved his grandkids. He loved us so much that his love spilled over to our friends. It wasn't unusual to find 5 or 6 extra kids at Grandaddy's house after church. Everyone wanted to come to Grandaddy's. Even after I went to Auburn, my friends would come home with me for the weekend and get to experience a Grandaddy lunch. It wasn't unusual for our friends to show up at Grandaddy's house even if we weren't there! They loved him just as much as he loved them.
My Grandaddy had a servant's heart. I'm pretty sure "acts of service" was his love language. (Andrew is a lot like him in that way.) He was the most thoughtful, selfless man that ever lived aside form Jesus himself. Seriously, if he had something that someone else needed, consider it theirs or if he thought he could do ANYTHING to help someone else, you better believe he'd do it, no matter what.
He spoiled my Grandmother rotten for 62 years! He did all the cooking and cleaning. He'd peel Granny's apples and oranges for her. He even clipped her toe nails! He made all the other men look bad when it came to serving their wives. No one has ever loved a wife more! (Please remember her as you pray. She's lost without her love.)
Grandaddy could fix anything, even if it was with duct tape or super glue. Andrew called him "Mr. Fix it." He could rig things up like no one else! It makes me laugh to think about some of his "fixes." And he never wanted to see anything go to waste. A true child of the depression, if he saw something on the side of the road that he thought he could use, he'd pick it up. He saved some old faux wood blinds that he found in a junk pile and he used those things for everything! He'd cut them to size and use them for a shim, or splint. I found a bunch of those scraps while cleaning out a stein at his house the other day. I just shook my head and smiled. :)
He would do anything for me and Annah and let us do anything...even if it meant total destruction at his house. For example, and in my defense I had NO recollection of this whatsoever and so I didn't know this until a couple of years ago, my Grandmother told me that I was the one who broke her marble coffee table in two! It seems that I liked to slide the marble top off of the frame and use it as a slide?! Terrible, I know!
They also let us destroy their yard every New Year's Eve. Grandaddy would save newspapers for weeks and cut them by hand into homemade confetti. Granny would serve us Gingerale in plastic champagne glasses and we'd toast to the New Year as we watched the apple drop. Then we'd head out into the yard to blow our party horns and throw Grandaddy's confetti. Those were fun times.
Thinking back on all the shenanigans we got away with, it's no wonder that most of my spankings occurred after a trip to Granny and Grandaddy's! And now, seeing how they spoil Andrew, I know how my parents felt! But that's what Grandparents are for, right?
Right! And I realize how blessed my sister and I were to have the kind of relationship with my Grandparents that we did and still do. I know a lot of people who either never knew their grandparents or don't spend any time with them. To me that is so unfortunate because Grandparents are special. I saw a quote on a friends facebook page the other day that said, "Grandma's are Mommies with icing." I think that phrase works for Grandaddies too, especially since mine liked to bake! And there was no better Grandaddy around than mine. He was my hero and I will miss him every day of the rest of my life!
If you're a Grandparent, I hope you're spending time spoiling your Grandkids. And if you're reading this and you still have Grandparents that are living, go right now (or as soon as you can) and hug them, spend time with them, and tell them that you love them, because one day you'll turn around and they'll be gone. I had no regrets when Grandaddy died. I got to spend a lot of time with him, especially at the end, which was precious and I'm eternally grateful that I got to be there. You see, in my family we say "I love you" every time we leave one another because life is short and anyone of those goodbyes could be our last.
**Please go visit my SISTER'S BLOG and read what all she had to say about Grandaddy. She's the writer in the family, so it'll be a lot more eloquently put! :) A lot of the stories and memories will be the same so you might read a little duplication, but that's ok. It'll help you get to know my Grandaddy even better!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
A Week I'd Like To Forget
**WARNING: This is a really long post. It's more for me than it is you. It's more like a journal entry; stream of conscious writing. I had a lot in my head that I needed to get out before I completely forget. If you don't want to read it all, I totally understand. You could skip to Tuesday, March 6th. If you don't read anything, at least listen to the song.
Last week feels like a dream; a nightmare rather. It's all starting to run together and quite frankly still feels unreal.
It started on FRIDAY, MARCH 2ND. We were supposed to have "meet the coach" for Andrew's tee ball team followed by a squadron function, followed by a late night drive over to Mississippi to spend the weekend with Drew's family. I got a call from my Mom just after lunch telling me that she had to call 911 and they were taking my Grandaddy (diagnosed with Lung Cancer in September) to the ER. (His cancer doctors were all in Huntsville, an hour away and both Albertville and Huntsville were under a tornado warning.) He ended up in Guntersville. I called Drew and we dropped everything, threw some things in a bag and headed that way. An hour and a half into our drive, Mom called back to tell me that they thought they were going to send him back home and that we didn't need to be driving into the storms. They had given Granddaddy some fluids and he was feeling a little better. Grandaddy got on the phone and told me that he'd be worried about me driving, that we should just wait until next weekend to come to Albertville as planned. He promised me he'd hang in there until then so we turned the car around and headed to Mississippi instead. *Side note: Grandaddy was supposed to have a scan today to see if his chemo was working. He was only 3 treatments away from being finished with it. Then he would start radiation. But since he was getting weaker and weaker, the doctor wanted to see if the chemo was working. If it was, then they could finish. If not, maybe they could go straight to radiation. It was an important scan, that got put on hold.*
SATURDAY, MARCH 3RD, we went to Monster Jam as planned. (See previous post).
SUNDAY, MARCH 4TH, we went to Grandma's for Ladner birthdays, as planned. Around noon, I got another call from my Mom telling me that I should probably come home. They were taking Grandaddy to the ER again and this time to Huntsville. We said our goodbyes rather quickly and drove from Kiln, MS to Huntsville, AL in 5 hours flat with 3 stops! (Now, Google Maps will tell you that this drive takes 6 hours and 19 minutes-they did not take into account Drew Ladner's driving.) Even though we made it there faster than we should have, that was the longest 5 hours of my life. My sister called a couple of times to see how far we had made it and to stress the importance that we "HURRY." I don't remember much about the scenery outside of the car, because most of that 5 hours was spent praying, thinking, crying, contemplating...etc.. I just wanted to make it there to see him one more time. Besides, he had promised me, he'd be there next time I came home. When we got to the hospital, he was still in the ER. He was dehydrated, had pneumonia, and his oxygen was low. (Pretty sure he had that on Friday at the ER but the lovely people that work at the Guntersville hospital don't know how to read a chest X-ray! They had NO business sending him home in his condition!-I digress...) Due to the strict ER rules, I had to wait for Granny to come out so I could go back to see him. When I got there, his first words were, "See, I didn't break my promise. I'm still alive!" I cried when I saw his frail body in the hospital bed. He looked so much weaker than when I had seen him a few weeks prior. They finally got him admitted and up to a room on the 7th floor; the oncology floor. It was getting late. Annah and I decided to stay with him that first night. Mom, Dad, Granny, Annah, Jefforey, Drew, and Andrew all drove back to Albertville. Grandaddy was getting fluids, antibiotics, blood thinner and morphine. He did really well that first night. His color was starting to look better and Annah said he looked MUCH better than that morning. He rested well that night. Well, he rested as well as anyone could in a hospital...3 hours at a time. The nurses came in and woke him up every 2-3 hours with IV bags, vital checks, and new meds. So we slept on and off.
MONDAY, MARCH 5th- The doctor says we need to postpone the scan until the pneumonia is gone. Priority #1...get rid of pneumonia. Drew drove to the hospital to visit before driving back to FL. He had to get back to work. Since Mom was spending the night, she waited to come to the hospital until early afternoon. She brought Granny and we stayed until around 8. Annah and I drove Granny home while Mom stayed the night. (Luckily Dad's off days are Monday, so the little man got to hang with Paw-Paw all day.) I got a good night's sleep and headed back to the hospital around 3 pm on TUESDAY, MARCH 6th. I took Andrew with me so he could see Granddaddy for a couple of hours. Earlier that morning Annah drove Granny to the hospital, so the three of them (Mom, Granny, Annah) took Andrew home around 5. Mom didn't get any sleep the night before, so she was pooped out. She warned me that Granddaddy didn't have a good night, and it might be the same again tonight. (I was staying Tuesday night) Earlier that day, the doctors had determined that Grandaddy had aspirated pneumonia, caused by his choking. He hadn't been able to swallow very well lately and would often get choked on food or water. When he choked like that, he would aspirate some of the food/water and THAT caused the pneumonia. Also on Tuesday, he failed a swallow test, thus prompting the doctors to tell Grandaddy that he could no longer have any food or drink by mouth. By this time, they started him on TPN (liquid steak and potatoes in a bag, as his doctor called it). He was not very happy that he couldn't even have water. They gave him these little sponge things that he could use to "wet" his mouth when it got dry. He was not happy that he couldn't drink any water, so that made for a long night. It was just me and Granddaddy from 5pm until 10 am and that was the longest night of both of our lives. He was so mad about the water situation and it broke my heart not to give him water when he asked for it. (Although truth be told, there were times when I let him have a few sips. I mean... how am I supposed to tell the man who has given me everything I've ever asked for and more that he can't have something so simple as a sip of water?!) Like I said, it was a long hard night. His pain was getting worse, he was thirsty, and he only slept in 10-15 minute intervals all night. I sat on the edge of his bed and held his hand for HOURS. (I had so many thoughts running through my mind, that I wanted to sit and write them all out, but there was no time. I just stayed by his side all night.) I thought I had come to grips with the fact that he was dying on our little road trip Sunday, but Tuesday night, I knew he was dying. He kept apologizing, telling me that he wanted to stay here for us, but he didn't think he would make it. I told him he didn't have to be strong anymore; not to hold on for us. I told him how much I loved him, butI didn't want him to suffer anymore. I told him I wanted what was best for him and if he needed to go, then we'd be ok; that he didn't have to worry about us. He said he was glad I felt that way. He told me how much he loved me. We talked about all our fun times together, we talked about baking and shared cooking tips. Those moments were nice, but then the pain got worse. He was in so much pain that he begged God to let him die. He was suffering. It hurt to watch. Once he cried out, "Oh Lord, why won't you just let me go on!" It was unbearable! I found myself praying right along side of him "Lord, can't you hear him? He's in too much pain, just take him home. Bring him to You, where there is no pain, no suffering. " I never in a million years thought that I'd ever wish for my Granddaddy to die. And believe me, I didn't want him to. I'd keep him here forever if I could, but I tell you the truth...when you have to watch someone that you love with all your heart suffer like that...it's a whole different story. I kept thinking about Jesus on the cross. I can't imagine how God the Father felt, watching his only, beloved son, Jesus suffer and die a horrible, painful death on a tree. He did that for me! And for you! Oh, what love. All night long, I had this song in my head:
On WEDNESDAY, MARH 7th, Dad took off work again to keep Andrew. I called Mom and Annah pretty early. Grandaddy kept asking when Granny was coming, so I told them to get up and come on. They got there around 9 am. I managed to stay awake until around 11am, then passed out in the chair until 1pm. That was the best 2 hours of sleep I've had in a long time. I slept like a ROCK. I woke up because Grandaddy was getting worse. His breathing had become more labored and again he started telling us how much he loved us, reminding us where all his important documents were, and asking us to take care of Granny. Granny told him he couldn't leave, that she needed him and he said "Ok, then I guess I'll have to pull through." Later that night, I drove Granny home while Mom and Annah stayed the night.
THURSDAY, MARCH 8TH- The phone rang at 7. It was Mom. She said the Doctor had just been in to see Granddaddy and he didn't have good news. The doctor had given him 24 hours. Granny's sister had planned on taking her to the hospital that morning anyway, so we stuck to that plan, as not to alarm Granny. I called Dad, who had already gone in to work. He turned around and came home and he, Andrew, and I headed to the hospital. When we got there, Grandaddy was worse. The nurses were switching into "comfort care" mode and starting the morphine drip. His oxygen levels were lower, so he was wearing the full oxygen mask. Shortly after our arrival, we went down to get breakfast. We met Granny, my Great-Aunt, and my cousins in the lobby. She was surprised to see me, as I wasn't supposed to be there until later that afternoon. She said, "Is Dewayne worse? Is that why you're here?" I told her yes, but that he was ok. With a panicked look, she headed upstairs.
During breakfast, Dad and I explained to Andrew that Grandaddy was really sick and he was wearing a funny mask to help him breathe. We asked if he wanted to go in and see him. He said yes, so we went back upstairs and Andrew sat in my lap beside the bed and talked to Granddaddy. Of course Grandaddy was happy to see him, just like always. Andrew reached up and held Grandaddy's hand. After a while he leaned over and gave his hand a kiss. With that kiss, Grandaddy's oxygen level went up. My cousins were there that day. They were very emotional because they knew what we all knew...that the man we all loved wouldn't be around much longer. Grandaddy was like a Grandaddy to them. They never knew their maternal Grandfather, so my Grandaddy filled in. They loved him and he loved them. The hospital room was full: Me, Andrew, Mom, Dad, Annah, Jefforey, Granny, Linda, Donna, Sonny, Zachary, and Emily. It was nice for a while. Grandaddy's pain was under control so he felt like talking. We all shared memories and sat around and talked about how much we loved each other and how lucky we were. Around mid-day, Grandaddy took a long nap. He woke up around 6, had a rough spell, but then got better. He had more visitors; his nephew and his family and the preacher all stopped by. Before my cousins left for the day we talked some more about how much he loved us all and at one point, he looked around the room and with a smile he said, "Well, I guess I have nothing else to say. I've already said it all. I love ya'll and ya'll love me and that's all that really matters." He went to sleep around 7:30. The cousins left. Mom, Dad, Granny, and Andrew went to the hospitality house a block away to get some rest, while Annah and I stayed with Grandaddy. He was resting so peacefully. We slept in shifts that night. I slept from 12-2am and Annah from 2-5.
On FRIDAY, MARCH 9TH at 5 am, I woke Annah up because Grandaddy's oxygen had gone from 74-91! He seemed to be improving. His pulse was down to 78 from 95. Annah was worried. His breathing had become more shallow. We were trying to decide whether or not to call and wake Mom up. While we were still trying to decide, Grandaddy decided for us. In a matter of seconds, his pulse dropped to 58. At 5:20, I called Mom and said "Get up here NOW!" I called right back to make sure she heard the urgency in my voice. My worst nightmare was coming true right before my eyes. Grandaddy was still sleeping, but we knew it was the end. Annah and I were sitting on both sides of the bed;each of us had one of his hands and we starting singing "Soon and very soon, we are going to see the King. Soon and very soon, we are going to see the King. Soon and very soon, we are going to see the King. Hallelujah, hallelujah, we are going to see the King." Grandaddy gasped for air. Still we sang, "No more dying there, we are going to see the King..." When the song was over we told him how much we loved him and he didn't have to worry. He could go be with Jesus. We'd be ok. Mom and Granny made it just in time. We stepped back so they could say their goodbyes. Then we sang "Amazing Grace." At 6 am on the dot, my Granddaddy died.
Time Froze.
My heart physically hurt.
There was weeping.
There was silence.
Now what?
Now you plan a funeral, which is exhausting and stressful when you're already sleep depraved and trying to mourn. Death on Friday, visitation on Saturday, funeral on Sunday. No time to think about what's happening, no time to process..just planning and arranging. Until something happens: reality strikes and you lose it. It happened a couple of times for me: walking into Grandaddy's bedroom, realizing he's not there...or while baking cookies for visitation (you have to know Grandaddy) I reached for the bag of flour, hugged it, and cried. Or after returning home from all these before mentioned events to find my birthday card had arrived in the mail while I was gone, signed, "Love, Granny & Grandaddy." It's the little things...and they come at you when you least expect them.
Life is different now. It's going to take some getting used to....if that's possible. But honestly, I still feel like it was all a very bad dream; one of those recurring nightmares. I keep waiting for the part where I wake up, but unfortunately, this time, that isn't going to happen.
Pray for our family. We're hurting. Pray for my Grandmother especially, as she tries to figure out life without her husband of 62 years. SIXTY-TWO years?! That's a long time. She's just lost without my Grandaddy, so remember her when you pray.
Last week feels like a dream; a nightmare rather. It's all starting to run together and quite frankly still feels unreal.
It started on FRIDAY, MARCH 2ND. We were supposed to have "meet the coach" for Andrew's tee ball team followed by a squadron function, followed by a late night drive over to Mississippi to spend the weekend with Drew's family. I got a call from my Mom just after lunch telling me that she had to call 911 and they were taking my Grandaddy (diagnosed with Lung Cancer in September) to the ER. (His cancer doctors were all in Huntsville, an hour away and both Albertville and Huntsville were under a tornado warning.) He ended up in Guntersville. I called Drew and we dropped everything, threw some things in a bag and headed that way. An hour and a half into our drive, Mom called back to tell me that they thought they were going to send him back home and that we didn't need to be driving into the storms. They had given Granddaddy some fluids and he was feeling a little better. Grandaddy got on the phone and told me that he'd be worried about me driving, that we should just wait until next weekend to come to Albertville as planned. He promised me he'd hang in there until then so we turned the car around and headed to Mississippi instead. *Side note: Grandaddy was supposed to have a scan today to see if his chemo was working. He was only 3 treatments away from being finished with it. Then he would start radiation. But since he was getting weaker and weaker, the doctor wanted to see if the chemo was working. If it was, then they could finish. If not, maybe they could go straight to radiation. It was an important scan, that got put on hold.*
SATURDAY, MARCH 3RD, we went to Monster Jam as planned. (See previous post).
SUNDAY, MARCH 4TH, we went to Grandma's for Ladner birthdays, as planned. Around noon, I got another call from my Mom telling me that I should probably come home. They were taking Grandaddy to the ER again and this time to Huntsville. We said our goodbyes rather quickly and drove from Kiln, MS to Huntsville, AL in 5 hours flat with 3 stops! (Now, Google Maps will tell you that this drive takes 6 hours and 19 minutes-they did not take into account Drew Ladner's driving.) Even though we made it there faster than we should have, that was the longest 5 hours of my life. My sister called a couple of times to see how far we had made it and to stress the importance that we "HURRY." I don't remember much about the scenery outside of the car, because most of that 5 hours was spent praying, thinking, crying, contemplating...etc.. I just wanted to make it there to see him one more time. Besides, he had promised me, he'd be there next time I came home. When we got to the hospital, he was still in the ER. He was dehydrated, had pneumonia, and his oxygen was low. (Pretty sure he had that on Friday at the ER but the lovely people that work at the Guntersville hospital don't know how to read a chest X-ray! They had NO business sending him home in his condition!-I digress...) Due to the strict ER rules, I had to wait for Granny to come out so I could go back to see him. When I got there, his first words were, "See, I didn't break my promise. I'm still alive!" I cried when I saw his frail body in the hospital bed. He looked so much weaker than when I had seen him a few weeks prior. They finally got him admitted and up to a room on the 7th floor; the oncology floor. It was getting late. Annah and I decided to stay with him that first night. Mom, Dad, Granny, Annah, Jefforey, Drew, and Andrew all drove back to Albertville. Grandaddy was getting fluids, antibiotics, blood thinner and morphine. He did really well that first night. His color was starting to look better and Annah said he looked MUCH better than that morning. He rested well that night. Well, he rested as well as anyone could in a hospital...3 hours at a time. The nurses came in and woke him up every 2-3 hours with IV bags, vital checks, and new meds. So we slept on and off.
MONDAY, MARCH 5th- The doctor says we need to postpone the scan until the pneumonia is gone. Priority #1...get rid of pneumonia. Drew drove to the hospital to visit before driving back to FL. He had to get back to work. Since Mom was spending the night, she waited to come to the hospital until early afternoon. She brought Granny and we stayed until around 8. Annah and I drove Granny home while Mom stayed the night. (Luckily Dad's off days are Monday, so the little man got to hang with Paw-Paw all day.) I got a good night's sleep and headed back to the hospital around 3 pm on TUESDAY, MARCH 6th. I took Andrew with me so he could see Granddaddy for a couple of hours. Earlier that morning Annah drove Granny to the hospital, so the three of them (Mom, Granny, Annah) took Andrew home around 5. Mom didn't get any sleep the night before, so she was pooped out. She warned me that Granddaddy didn't have a good night, and it might be the same again tonight. (I was staying Tuesday night) Earlier that day, the doctors had determined that Grandaddy had aspirated pneumonia, caused by his choking. He hadn't been able to swallow very well lately and would often get choked on food or water. When he choked like that, he would aspirate some of the food/water and THAT caused the pneumonia. Also on Tuesday, he failed a swallow test, thus prompting the doctors to tell Grandaddy that he could no longer have any food or drink by mouth. By this time, they started him on TPN (liquid steak and potatoes in a bag, as his doctor called it). He was not very happy that he couldn't even have water. They gave him these little sponge things that he could use to "wet" his mouth when it got dry. He was not happy that he couldn't drink any water, so that made for a long night. It was just me and Granddaddy from 5pm until 10 am and that was the longest night of both of our lives. He was so mad about the water situation and it broke my heart not to give him water when he asked for it. (Although truth be told, there were times when I let him have a few sips. I mean... how am I supposed to tell the man who has given me everything I've ever asked for and more that he can't have something so simple as a sip of water?!) Like I said, it was a long hard night. His pain was getting worse, he was thirsty, and he only slept in 10-15 minute intervals all night. I sat on the edge of his bed and held his hand for HOURS. (I had so many thoughts running through my mind, that I wanted to sit and write them all out, but there was no time. I just stayed by his side all night.) I thought I had come to grips with the fact that he was dying on our little road trip Sunday, but Tuesday night, I knew he was dying. He kept apologizing, telling me that he wanted to stay here for us, but he didn't think he would make it. I told him he didn't have to be strong anymore; not to hold on for us. I told him how much I loved him, butI didn't want him to suffer anymore. I told him I wanted what was best for him and if he needed to go, then we'd be ok; that he didn't have to worry about us. He said he was glad I felt that way. He told me how much he loved me. We talked about all our fun times together, we talked about baking and shared cooking tips. Those moments were nice, but then the pain got worse. He was in so much pain that he begged God to let him die. He was suffering. It hurt to watch. Once he cried out, "Oh Lord, why won't you just let me go on!" It was unbearable! I found myself praying right along side of him "Lord, can't you hear him? He's in too much pain, just take him home. Bring him to You, where there is no pain, no suffering. " I never in a million years thought that I'd ever wish for my Granddaddy to die. And believe me, I didn't want him to. I'd keep him here forever if I could, but I tell you the truth...when you have to watch someone that you love with all your heart suffer like that...it's a whole different story. I kept thinking about Jesus on the cross. I can't imagine how God the Father felt, watching his only, beloved son, Jesus suffer and die a horrible, painful death on a tree. He did that for me! And for you! Oh, what love. All night long, I had this song in my head:
On WEDNESDAY, MARH 7th, Dad took off work again to keep Andrew. I called Mom and Annah pretty early. Grandaddy kept asking when Granny was coming, so I told them to get up and come on. They got there around 9 am. I managed to stay awake until around 11am, then passed out in the chair until 1pm. That was the best 2 hours of sleep I've had in a long time. I slept like a ROCK. I woke up because Grandaddy was getting worse. His breathing had become more labored and again he started telling us how much he loved us, reminding us where all his important documents were, and asking us to take care of Granny. Granny told him he couldn't leave, that she needed him and he said "Ok, then I guess I'll have to pull through." Later that night, I drove Granny home while Mom and Annah stayed the night.
THURSDAY, MARCH 8TH- The phone rang at 7. It was Mom. She said the Doctor had just been in to see Granddaddy and he didn't have good news. The doctor had given him 24 hours. Granny's sister had planned on taking her to the hospital that morning anyway, so we stuck to that plan, as not to alarm Granny. I called Dad, who had already gone in to work. He turned around and came home and he, Andrew, and I headed to the hospital. When we got there, Grandaddy was worse. The nurses were switching into "comfort care" mode and starting the morphine drip. His oxygen levels were lower, so he was wearing the full oxygen mask. Shortly after our arrival, we went down to get breakfast. We met Granny, my Great-Aunt, and my cousins in the lobby. She was surprised to see me, as I wasn't supposed to be there until later that afternoon. She said, "Is Dewayne worse? Is that why you're here?" I told her yes, but that he was ok. With a panicked look, she headed upstairs.
During breakfast, Dad and I explained to Andrew that Grandaddy was really sick and he was wearing a funny mask to help him breathe. We asked if he wanted to go in and see him. He said yes, so we went back upstairs and Andrew sat in my lap beside the bed and talked to Granddaddy. Of course Grandaddy was happy to see him, just like always. Andrew reached up and held Grandaddy's hand. After a while he leaned over and gave his hand a kiss. With that kiss, Grandaddy's oxygen level went up. My cousins were there that day. They were very emotional because they knew what we all knew...that the man we all loved wouldn't be around much longer. Grandaddy was like a Grandaddy to them. They never knew their maternal Grandfather, so my Grandaddy filled in. They loved him and he loved them. The hospital room was full: Me, Andrew, Mom, Dad, Annah, Jefforey, Granny, Linda, Donna, Sonny, Zachary, and Emily. It was nice for a while. Grandaddy's pain was under control so he felt like talking. We all shared memories and sat around and talked about how much we loved each other and how lucky we were. Around mid-day, Grandaddy took a long nap. He woke up around 6, had a rough spell, but then got better. He had more visitors; his nephew and his family and the preacher all stopped by. Before my cousins left for the day we talked some more about how much he loved us all and at one point, he looked around the room and with a smile he said, "Well, I guess I have nothing else to say. I've already said it all. I love ya'll and ya'll love me and that's all that really matters." He went to sleep around 7:30. The cousins left. Mom, Dad, Granny, and Andrew went to the hospitality house a block away to get some rest, while Annah and I stayed with Grandaddy. He was resting so peacefully. We slept in shifts that night. I slept from 12-2am and Annah from 2-5.
On FRIDAY, MARCH 9TH at 5 am, I woke Annah up because Grandaddy's oxygen had gone from 74-91! He seemed to be improving. His pulse was down to 78 from 95. Annah was worried. His breathing had become more shallow. We were trying to decide whether or not to call and wake Mom up. While we were still trying to decide, Grandaddy decided for us. In a matter of seconds, his pulse dropped to 58. At 5:20, I called Mom and said "Get up here NOW!" I called right back to make sure she heard the urgency in my voice. My worst nightmare was coming true right before my eyes. Grandaddy was still sleeping, but we knew it was the end. Annah and I were sitting on both sides of the bed;each of us had one of his hands and we starting singing "Soon and very soon, we are going to see the King. Soon and very soon, we are going to see the King. Soon and very soon, we are going to see the King. Hallelujah, hallelujah, we are going to see the King." Grandaddy gasped for air. Still we sang, "No more dying there, we are going to see the King..." When the song was over we told him how much we loved him and he didn't have to worry. He could go be with Jesus. We'd be ok. Mom and Granny made it just in time. We stepped back so they could say their goodbyes. Then we sang "Amazing Grace." At 6 am on the dot, my Granddaddy died.
Time Froze.
My heart physically hurt.
There was weeping.
There was silence.
Now what?
Now you plan a funeral, which is exhausting and stressful when you're already sleep depraved and trying to mourn. Death on Friday, visitation on Saturday, funeral on Sunday. No time to think about what's happening, no time to process..just planning and arranging. Until something happens: reality strikes and you lose it. It happened a couple of times for me: walking into Grandaddy's bedroom, realizing he's not there...or while baking cookies for visitation (you have to know Grandaddy) I reached for the bag of flour, hugged it, and cried. Or after returning home from all these before mentioned events to find my birthday card had arrived in the mail while I was gone, signed, "Love, Granny & Grandaddy." It's the little things...and they come at you when you least expect them.
Life is different now. It's going to take some getting used to....if that's possible. But honestly, I still feel like it was all a very bad dream; one of those recurring nightmares. I keep waiting for the part where I wake up, but unfortunately, this time, that isn't going to happen.
Pray for our family. We're hurting. Pray for my Grandmother especially, as she tries to figure out life without her husband of 62 years. SIXTY-TWO years?! That's a long time. She's just lost without my Grandaddy, so remember her when you pray.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Monster Jam!
Today, Drew and I took Andrew and our nephew, Alex to a monster truck show! I'm pretty sure Alex was more excited than Andrew, seeing as how minutes before heading to the show, Andrew said, "I don't want to go." But he went and ended up having a good time. We got there early for the "pit party" and got to get an up close look at the trucks and see their drivers.
Our first stop: Gravedigger!
Then the boys got to pose with the racing quads.
His wife Chrissy drove xXx-total destruction.
We're waiting for the show to start. Don't worry, we're wearing ear protection!
Race between the Gravedigger and Black Stallion
El Toro Loco beat xXx.
Gravedigger won his second round race due to default! (I have my suspicions that this is SO rigged!)
Have you ever seen a jet powered quad?
We have now!
El Toro Loco freestyle round
Black Stallion freestyle
Gravedigger freestyle
El Toro Loco signing Andrew's program.
Alex getting Gravedigger's autograph
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Happy Birthday to ME!
What a day! I haven't seen the sunshine in SO LONG! And here, on my birthday, the Lord has blessed me with a sunny 82 degrees!! Drew just came home early and is giving me some "ME" time. So, c-ya! I'm headed to basque in the sun by the pool with a stack of magazines! Woo hoo!
Oh and to the 4 billion of you who wished me a Happy Birthday via Facebook, bare with me, I'd love to thank each of you personally. (It may take a few days!)
I was pleasantly surprised by the sweet cards I got in the mail today from some true friends that never forget me! (You know who you are!) Thank you :) You totally made my day!
Oh and to the 4 billion of you who wished me a Happy Birthday via Facebook, bare with me, I'd love to thank each of you personally. (It may take a few days!)
I was pleasantly surprised by the sweet cards I got in the mail today from some true friends that never forget me! (You know who you are!) Thank you :) You totally made my day!
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